On Tuesday, March 20, 2018, my life changed. At 5:00 a.m., I awoke suddenly at the nudging of my then 15-year-old son telling me his neck hurt. Just the day prior, he had started a high school weightlifting class. I got out of bed and we went into the bathroom and closed the door so as to not wake my wife. I was asking my son a question about what he had been doing the day before in his weightlifting class, and the next thing I remember was waking up on the bathroom floor with my wife shouting my name.
Blood was pooled around my head. I had collapsed, without any warning signs. As I fell, the back of my head struck the bottom hinge on the bathroom door, leaving me with a massive laceration on my scalp. As I sat on the floor against the wall, I felt nothing more than a bit of soreness on the back of my head. A hand towel held tightly against my scalp to stop the bleeding, I told my wife she should take me to the hospital, figuring I’d just need a few staples and then we’d be on our way and back to normal life.
At the hospital, I did, in fact, get staples in my head. However, I was also told that my heart was out of rhythm. What I expected would be a 1-hour visit to the emergency department turned into a 24-hour admission to the cardiology unit for monitoring. I was just 39 years old. How is it that my heart could do this to me? As I would learn in the coming days and months, this traumatic experience would be a fork in the road (or “hinge point”); one that would change the course of my life.
Life’s hinge points
Hinges are used to join two parts together. With this in mind, hinge points in life can be thought of as events that are meant to join who we currently are, with something that can influence who we can potentially become. Another way of thinking about hinge points is that they are events in life that force us to make a choice; a choice with far-reaching consequences for the direction of our life, I’m not talking about basic, day-to-day events such as deciding what to eat for breakfast, what to wear, what needs to be on the shopping list, etc. I’m talking about events that push us into a corner, that put us up “against the ropes”; events that create a proverbial fork in our road of life.
My hinge point
The events of March 20, 2018, for me, created a fork in the road ahead of me. I had a choice to make:
- Place a bandaid over my health issues by relying on prescription drugs (antiarrhythmics, anti-coagulants, antacids, etc.), or
- Completely change the way I was taking care of my physical and emotional health.
In the middle of the night, alone in that hospital bed, I had a very profound, very personal realization. I’ll keep those details to myself, but I will say this; the insight and clarity I had while in that hospital room gave me a very clear view of what I had to do.
After I was discharged from the hospital and back home, I remember walking out of my room, and as I was walking out, my sweet wife was walking in. I saw an overwhelming amount of stress on her face. I put my arms around her, and she broke down in tears. The stress from the past 36 hours couldn’t be contained anymore. I then made a promise to her with these words:
“I’m going to take good care of myself.”
Only action leads to change
The hinge point of March 20, 2018, opened the door for me to take the better road, the life-changing road. I am happy to write that I am healthier today than I was in my 20s and 30s. I exercise 5-6 times per week, I fuel my body with nutrient-dense foods, I deliberately add discomfort to my daily routines, and strive to keep my sleep habits in check. Additionally, I walked away from the situations in my life that had been causing me so much unnecessary stress and I created a better situation for myself. Most importantly, I am a more engaged, present husband and father, striving to appreciate each day as a gift. I am keeping the promise I made to my wife, and when death finally comes knocking at my door, it will not be the result of my neglecting my health and wellness.
Why are hinge points so important?
This article is written with the intent to help you see and feel the importance of identifying the hinge points in your life. The world won’t stop throwing distractions and demands your way. It’s time for you to take your life back.
We are faced with important hinge points on a daily basis. The following scenarios below can illustrate my point:
- We feel “stuck” in our jobs. We’ve lost enjoyment and satisfaction with our work, yet we don’t feel like we can make a change. We feel strongly that things won’t get better unless we find an alternative. This is a hinge point.
- The alarm clock buzzes at 5:00 a.m. This is the only time we have in the morning to get a workout in. Yet, we just don’t want to get out of bed. This is a hinge point.
- We’ve had a rough day at home or work and sit down on the couch for a quick rest. Then, our kids come running into the room excited to see us, wanting to play. This is a hinge point.
- A cluttered house overwhelms us, and if we don’t clean it up, we’re going to “lose it.” But we just don’t have any time. This is a hinge point.
- Our healthcare provider tells us that we are overweight, have high blood pressure, and that if we don’t make some changes to our lifestyle, we risk early death. This is a hinge point.
How can we ever identify and focus on the hinge points before us when projects, deadlines, to-do lists, screens, and over-scheduled events are distracting us? What can we do to get some sense of control back in our lives? The answer to these questions is found in simplifying our day-to-day routine and committing to whatever it is that enriches our lives.
Life Simplified
Life gets busy. Nobody would disagree with that fact. The question to ask yourself is this: “Are my actions a reflection of my priorities?”
If this is just a busy time of year for you, then you know there is an end in sight. Simple adjustments to your time management routine can help you navigate times like this. However, if your life is busy because you haven’t mastered the art of saying “no”, then your stress levels seem to increase exponentially because it is difficult to see an end to the chaos. The main issue with not saying “no” is that you (and others) continue to add projects and events to your plate when you really don’t have the time or emotional resources to give them your full attention. The lack of time and emotional resources leads to feelings of inadequacy and guilt, and those emotions create a current that continues to pull you away from what you need most: to take good care of yourself.
Commitment to Purpose
What makes you feel alive? You may have heard this question before. Do you have an answer? Self-awareness of what gets us out of bed each morning is the most important step in finding wellness. The daily demands of life overwhelm you, causing you to lose sight of your purpose. Then, we fall into habits that lead to poor sleep, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, and weakening of our mindset.
In order to take full advantage of the hinge points in our life, we must first understand, then act, on our “Why?”. When we understand what it is that makes us feel complete, everything else begins to fall into place. Discovering our “Why?” requires nothing more than a desire for discovery. Once we understand our purpose, the next step is to commit wholeheartedly to that purpose.
Driven by values
As we discover our purpose, we begin the process of uncovering our potential. During the process, we hold tight to values. Our values form the foundation on which our routines and habits rest. Having a solid understanding of our values is what will sustain our efforts when the “going gets tough”. Despite what many infomercial wellness “experts” might tell you, wellness is no walk in the park. There is no “magic pill” to create and sustain long-term wellness. Wellness is hard work. If we understand our purpose and values, we also understand that the road will present obstacles. Most importantly, we understand that our values will drive us through those obstacles, and closer to our full potential.
Interested in learning more about basic steps that can help you discover your purpose and values? Take a look at my coaching programs and let’s talk.
